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Can you figure out who said these bizarre baseball quotes that we've taken out of context?

Baseball players and managers have a knack for winding up in some pretty unusual circumstances, both on and off the field. And sometimes, those circumstances cause them to say some very, very weird things. Which brings us here today. 

We've taken nine extremely strange (and extremely specific) quotes from baseball history, taken them out of context and asked you to see if you can remember who said them. Good luck: