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Watching this slide nearly gave me a damn heart attack

So I'm just hanging out on Monday, minding my own, trying to sort through the thought process that led to Bryce and Kayla Harper naming their first-born child Krew like I'm the math meme lady, when all of a sudden Braves catcher Francisco Cervelli decides to turn Tuesday's game against the Rockies into a round of live-action Mortal Kombat:

Be chill, Francisco Cervelli! I understand that you're an expressive guy. I understand that you were excited about hammering a ball off the wall, and I understand that you're excited about getting a second chance with the Braves, and I understand that you were extremely determined to make it to second base. Even still, and I really cannot stress this enough, you have not suddenly gained the ability to fly.

Not only could you have killed Rockies shortstop Trevor Story, but you nearly broke your own ankle! This. Is. Not. Normal.

What was the gameplan here? Did the adrenaline just take over? Was it celebratory? Did you think you'd get an extra RBI for parkouring second base into Wyoming?

When a Major League umpire -- a man whose literal job is to take professional athletes doing all manner of weird stuff with a straight face -- can't keep up the charade, you know you need to reconsider.

A professional arbiter, reduced to shaking his head and shouting "VERY BAD" like he just adopted a puppy.