We're sorry, but limes cannot seriously be a top-three fruit
We all have different tastes and preferences, and, in general, these are to be appreciated and celebrated. Some people think cilantro is a great addition to just about any food, while others think it tastes like soap. Post Malone is all over the top-40 charts and that's fine, I guess.
This is all good. People liking different things is what makes life interesting. If everyone thought the same way about everything, conversations would be a lot less lively and the world would lose a lot of its flavor.
But that doesn't mean that all tastes and opinions are equally valid. Some are just too wacko to be seriously entertained, like enjoying pineapples on pizza or preferring white meat to dark.
On Thursday evening, Cardinals reliever Jordan Hicks took to Twitter to offer an insane opinion of his own:
Limes are Top 3 on my fruit list— Jordan Hicks (@Jhicks007) November 7, 2019
Now, I'm not going to say limes aren't good. They are. Nothing completes a taco like a squeeze of lime juice. They garnish all manner of cocktails. Key lime pie is one of the best desserts ever invented. Limes are excellent.
Nevertheless, they cannot be a top-three fruit. The reason is simple: Unless you're some kind of psychopath, you can't sit down and eat a lime. They have no stand-alone value. You can take a bite out of an apple, nibble on an orange slice or devour chunks of watermelon. You just can't do that with a lime. It requires something else to be good, be it a pie crust, carnitas or gin. It's the rhythm guitarist of fruits. It does what it's supposed to do, but it does it in the background so everything else can shine.
None of this is to knock limes. They're great. I buy them on just about every trip to the grocery store to use with tacos, curries and drinks.
But, like you need to be able to rip a solo to make Rolling Stone's list of top guitarists, you need to shine on your own for inclusion in such rarefied air.
So, we're sorry, Jordan, but we have to draw the line here. Limes cannot be a top-three fruit. Fruits like apples, grapefruits, pineapple and even honeydew are all eligible. As we said, it's wonderful that there are so many different tastes out there. But this is a bridge too far. Sorry.
Eric Chesterton is a writer for MLB.com. He is an appreciator of the stolen base, the bunt against the shift and nearly every unconventional uniform design. He eagerly awaits Jamie Moyer's inevitable comeback.