Being a celebrity's doppelganger honestly seems like more of a hassle than anything else
At first glance, looking exactly like a rich, famous, beloved celebrity would be a great thing. You get to skip out on all the hard work it took to reach that point, and instead you simply get to live it up. You don't even really need to pretend, you simply just don't correct people when they say, "Please, I couldn't accept payment for this pizza from you, Extremely Famous Person," or "Could you please come to my daughter's wedding and eat all the free food and drink the free drinks? Your presence would just make us all so happy."
But you are so very, very wrong. Being a celebrity doppelganger is really just the world's biggest hassle.
Case in point: This dude, who just so happens to look exactly like Nationals ace and World Series hero Max Scherzer.
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That's Kevin Kramer, an Arlington, Va., man who does look pretty similar to the pitcher. He's got the nose down. His general face shape is about right. And, despite saying that he's not an impersonator, he bought the contact lenses necessary to pull off Scherzer's heterochromatic eyes. He's pretty much there.
While I, personally, don't see the doppelgangerness after more than a passing glance, Nationals fans who perhaps have been caught up in the revelry and have maybe consumed a few too many glasses of celebratory champagne certainly think they look alike. Which means he's become a bit of a local celebrity.
Kramer's been stopped for photos, has been asked to throw out first pitches at rec league games and even needed a police escort to attend the Nationals World Series parade.
A police officer told me they were helping get this guy through the crowd because a lot of people thought he looked like a very well-known player. What do you think? pic.twitter.com/q0Vp9yq9UL— Lindsey Mastis (@LindseyMastis) November 2, 2019
Does that look fun to you?
OK, sure, maybe for a few minutes. For once in your life, you're the star. People are clapping for you, they're cheering for you. You feel like a big deal. But what do you do when you have to go to the bathroom? What about if you want a hot pretzel? Sure, you could leave your escorts behind, but then you'll be faced with an entire sea of screaming fans who either know you aren't Max Scherzer and still want a photo with you, or think you're Max Scherzer and demand to know why you're not on stage with everyone else.
Then, once all this furor dies down, is Kramer really going to enjoy going out to eat only for a sea of people come up to him asking for a photo? Either he can lie, interrupt his meal and take the photo, or he can spend time explaining and nodding his head saying things like, "I know, crazy, right? I can't believe how similar the two of us look."
If you think I'm making this up, I'm not. I have spent a fair few years of my life being mistaken for Jonah Hill and let me tell you: I've done this song and dance. And it's no party. In fact, the one party I was invited to under the mistaken premise that I was Jonah Hill was not actually that good at all! And other than the host, everyone knew I wasn't Jonah Hill. That made it so much worse.
The point of all this is simple: If you see Max Scherzer planning a heist this winter, there's like a 98 percent chance it's not him.
Michael Clair writes about baseball for Cut4. He believes stirrup socks are an integral part of every formal outfit and Adam Dunn's pitching performance was baseball's greatest moment.