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Bonds has a better LinkedIn profile than you do

At no point does he even mention his proficiency in Microsoft Office
@michaelsclair
February 3, 2020

One of the benefits of being a professional baseball player is that you don't need to do the boring, awful things us commoners do. They don't need to wear ill-fitting suits to interviews (and when they do get suited and booted, they're in impeccable designer threads). They don't need to

One of the benefits of being a professional baseball player is that you don't need to do the boring, awful things us commoners do. They don't need to wear ill-fitting suits to interviews (and when they do get suited and booted, they're in impeccable designer threads). They don't need to sip break-room coffee while staring at their phone. And they don't have to use LinkedIn while they navigate and network their way through the world.

And yet, Barry Bonds -- yes, that one -- has a LinkedIn page. And it makes yours look like absolute garbage.

Yeah, just under the portion of his career from when he played for the Giants, he includes things like MVP Awards, his 73-home run season and that he broke Hank Aaron's all-time career home run record. Notice how there are no mentions of "facilitated communication between departments" or "proficient in Microsoft PowerPoint."

That's not the only thing on his profile, though. He lists the 11 months he spent as the Marlins' hitting coach, his time as the CEO of the Barry Bonds Baseball Training Academy (I wonder if there are any Glassdoor reviews?) and his current role as the Giants' special advisor. All this has me wondering: When teams need a new hitting coach, do they hit up the business social network? Or do they use a podcast discount code for ZipRecruiter.com?

Now, we can't be 100 percent positive that this is Bonds. Because it's the internet, it's quite possible someone decided to devote an entire afternoon to a thankless task like this. But, really, even if it's not real, it's still probably getting Barry at least a few job inquiries, right?

(h/t @GrahmDude)

Michael Clair writes for MLB.com. He spends a lot of time thinking about walk-up music and believes stirrup socks are an integral part of every formal outfit.