Benjamin Hill travels the nation collecting stories about what makes Minor League Baseball unique. This excerpt from the Baseball Traveler newsletter, presented by Circle K, is a mere taste of the smorgasbord of delights he offers every week. Read the full newsletter here, and subscribe to his newsletter here.
On a beautiful August evening at Peoples Natural Gas Field, Altoona Curve marketing director Mike Kessling took a seat within a makeshift concourse studio and leaned into the mic to begin his nightly pregame show. The Curve, Double-A affiliate of the Pittsburgh Pirates, were slated to take on the Hartford Yard Goats and information needed to be conveyed to the early-arriving fans in attendance.
As soon as Kessling began to speak, his voice was overpowered by a cacophony of audio squall.
"It's a little awful, if you will, that feedback," said Kessling, wearing an oversized cowboy hat, hula skirt and mismatched sneakers. "Because it's Awful Night here in Curve, P-A."
Were these awful technical difficulties intentional? They may have well as been. On Awful Night, quality adherence goes out the window.
"You can expect awful graphics, awful music and awful on-field [between-inning contests]," Kessling continued. "We had Hot Dog Boy out on the party deck, and I do want to pass this along from the front office: We do apologize that our high-fives did not come in tonight, and hopefully you got one of those vouchers if you’re one of the first 500 fans."
Clearly, there's a lot to unpack.
Awful Night, perhaps the purest distillation of the Minor League Baseball promotional principle that no idea is too stupid, began in 2003. It was the brainchild of Todd "Parney" Parnell, a Minor League lifer who now serves as Senior Advisor to the Richmond Flying Squirrels. An early iteration of Awful Night was highlighted by Parney advertising that he would give away his recently removed gallbladder to one "lucky" fan. When this idea was nixed by the powers that were the Curve resorted to giving away photos of the removed appendage.
In 2007, new to the world of Minor League Baseball and in search of the industry's dumbest and therefore best endeavors, I traveled to Altoona to witness Awful Night for myself. Highlights included a spork giveaway, a caped and shirtless man named Captain Awful singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in falsetto and an advertised postgame "Laaser Light Show" that turned out to be then-broadcaster Jon Laaser dancing with glow sticks while wearing a green bodysuit.
Three years later, due to staff turnover and shifting promotional priorities, Awful Night ceased.
"To this day we have college kids call the office and ask us about Awful Night," said Kessling, who began working for the Curve in 2015.
"There's such a reputation to that promotion, and that just lent itself to 'We should bring it back.' In 2021, we decided to do it, and then it rained out. But that was my favorite from [the new] era of Awful Night, because we gave away a 2020 team photo which went over very well. It was empty chairs with a single hat, because the 2020 season didn't happen."
In 2025, Awful Night did happen, for better or for worse. The aforementioned Hot Dog Boy, an actual musician (and Altoona native) who wears a hot dog suit while playing the keytar, provided pregame entertainment. Meanwhile, fans who were promised a "free high-five" as the night's giveaway item instead received a voucher offering redemption for a game on Sept. 8 (which was actually the first day of the offseason).
"The entire staff has bought into [Awful Night] and we have people wearing their shirts inside-out just to do something to be a part of it," said Kessler.
At least those people were wearing shirts. Curve mascot Loco took the field in a red speedo and a Santa hat. (This led a fan named Camilo Romero, attending his first Curve game, to remark, "I didn’t know you could make sexy awful, but they achieved it.") Al Tuna, usually an exuberant "rally mascot," later appeared on the field sullenly holding a sign reading, "I'm just here so I don’t get fined."
The awfulness was particularly pronounced in-between innings, with contests that included Name that Smell, Name that Tune (on kazoo), and a water-balloon-throwing competition in which the balloons were ostensibly filled with hot dog water. Even the ballgame itself ended in the most awful way possible: a walk-off walk.
"Awful Night really encompasses Minor League Baseball in a single game," said Kessler, who noted pridefully that other teams have staged their own versions in recent years.
"It's just awful greatness going everywhere."