I've never hit a home run in real life. I've also never hit a home run in the new MLB The Show video game. But, if I did either, this is probably what I would do afterwards.

Is he looking at it with a telescope as it sails over the center-field fence? The square dance with the third-base coach, the somersault into home plate -- it's all so wonderful.

Dan Szymborski may just be a baseball writer who used the create-a-player tool to hit dingers and live out his wildest baseball dreams, but somebody should sign him. Somebody needs to find out if this guy can actually do this on a real baseball field.