If you're reading this, you're almost certainly not qualified to serve as a big league GM. But while most of us have never played or coached professional baseball, we have played a whole lot of slow-pitch softball. So myself and my colleague, Michael Clair -- with a generous tip of the hat to MLB.com's preeminent fantasy drafters, Will Leitch and Mike Petriello -- set out to answer the following: What if you had to build the ultimate softball team, comprised solely of Major League players?

First, some ground rules:

• Each team will consist of 10 players -- the standard nine plus one flex defender
• There is no stealing or taking leads
• There is no bunting
• Players have to play positions similar to their usual spot (Manny Machado at second: fine; Pete Alonso in center: not fine)
• This will be a snake draft, with Mike getting the first pick

Who went No. 1 overall? Which All-Stars didn't make the cut? Most importantly, which writer will walk away with bragging rights, as determined by you, the readers?

1) Michael Lorenzen, P

Clair: You may have thought I was going to go by the book and look for a slugger, but this is where you gave away your advantage. Sure, you say pitchers don’t do a lot in softball, but in Lorenzen, I have someone who's not only unafraid to stand on that mound -- which I know from softball experience is terrifying -- but also has biceps the size of mountains (and the ability to play outfield, too). Too early to say checkmate?

2) Cody Bellinger, OF

Landers: Unlike my colleague, I will, in fact, go by the book -- and take the reigning NL MVP, a man who just so happens to play four different positions and has the sort of gorgeous, graceful uppercut that’s tailor-made for slow-pitch.

3) Pete Alonso, 1B

Landers: Again: This early, I'm not looking to get cute -- I'm looking for the biggest, baddest slugger in baseball. You can have your two-way novelty acts, I’ll stick with the man who can send a ball of any size into low orbit. Still feeling confident?

4) Mike Trout, OF

Clair: OK, I’ll grant that those are some pretty sharp early picks. But you made a crucial error, my friend: You left MLB's reigning god-among-men on the draft pile. Just as scouts look for “the good face” in baseball, they look for “the good neck” in softball -- and Trout has one that would make Gaston look wimpy. That equals a whole lot of home runs, and plenty of would-be hits stolen in the outfield.

5) Daniel Vogelbach, 1B

Clair: Not only is he the beefiest slugger in baseball, but he’s also a known jokester and one of the game's friendliest guys. Team chemistry is even more important in slow-pitch softball, and my squad is off the charts now.

6) Kyle Schwarber, OF

Landers: I was worried that Schwarber might not make it back to me, but then I remembered your undying love for Vogelbach and I exhaled a bit. You said it yourself: The only thing more important than a guy who can mash is a guy who can mash and win the postgame hang all by himself.

7) Aaron Judge, OF

Landers: A philosophical query: What does it really mean for a softball team to have too many outfielders? It’s sort of incredible that the big guy was allowed to fall this far -- his popups manage to leave the yard, and between Judge in right and Bellinger in center, I have more than enough range to make up for Schwarber in left. I’ll take the dingers and worry about everything else later.

8) Max Muncy, 2B

Clair: OK, I’ll admit, leaving Judge on the board is an oversight. In my mind, I was thinking of how softball pitches have to arc high over the players’ heads, and for some reason I convinced myself it was the batter who was then punished for having the audacity to come so near the sun. So, touché.

But no worries, I have the Munce-master, as I will now call him: home run hitter, trash talker extraordinaire and, shockingly, 210-pound second baseman.

9) Joey Gallo, 3B

Clair: I mean, this is almost disrespectful that he’s been left this long. The dude basically plays Major League Baseball like it’s slow-pitch softball. I think he’s going to wreck about 1,000 cars in the rec center’s parking lot.

10) Gary Sánchez, C

Landers: Yeah, you’re right, I saw you type “Joey” and slumped my shoulders a bit because I couldn’t believe the highway robbery you’d just committed. Speaking of guys who play Major League Baseball like it’s slow-pitch softball, though: I already have a lot of pop on my team, but there might not be anyone that I’d rather see take a hack at a soft, belt-high lob than Sánchez. Do Judge and Sánchez back to back make me a homer? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, I’m watching my catcher swing like he’s trying to set a land-speed record.

11) Miguel Sanó, 3B

Landers: There are more well-rounded third basemen out there, certainly. If you’re prioritizing speed or defense, you may want to look elsewhere. But, with apologies to Nolan Arenado and Alex Bregman, I’m in this game to swing for the fences, and it’s about time the Bomba Squad got on the board.

12) Willians Astudillo, EVERY FREAKING POSITION ON THE FIELD

Clair: Oh, my friend. You took a very, very good Twins player, but you left the best one for this particular spot in the draft. Sure, we all have dingers up and down our lineups. But if you swing hard, you run the risk of either missing big or popping one up -- even in softball. Astudillo, however, gives me a guy just about guaranteed to get on base and put the ball in play, setting the table for all my other hitters to drive him in.

13) Freddy Galvis, SS

Clair: You may not have realized it, but Galvis has two 20-homer seasons to his name. High-end athleticism and the ability to reach balls no other player can plus some pop? Yeah, that’s a clutch 7th-round pick.

14) Mike Moustakas, 2B

Landers: I'm sorry, "putting the ball in play?" "High-end athleticism?" Am I in the Twilight Zone? Here's an iron law of slow-pitch softball roster construction: If you have a chance to get the guy named “Moose” on your team, get the guy named "Moose" on your team. Especially when he can play multiple spots on the infield -- not too badly either, at least according to Statcast! -- and do stuff like this:

15) Nick Ahmed, flex fielder

Landers: OK, now that I've had my fill of drafting for power and trolling my coworker, it's time to change it up a bit -- I still need a guy who can roam all over the place, tracking down balls the rest of my defense can’t. Plus, did you realize that Ahmed hit 19 homers last year? What a time to be alive.

16) Derek Dietrich, flex fielder

Clair: OK, so I’ve decided that Astudillo will take on the tools of ignorance once again (except when a friend drops in and doesn’t want to have to run around in the outfield). And so, Derek Dietrich -- home run hitter and dugout weight-lifter -- makes the club. Good luck.

17) Chris Carter, OF

Clair: My ace in the hole. The dude not even on your draft board. He was too much of a softball-type player for the Majors, so all he did was go to Mexico and smash 49 homers with a 1.158 OPS last season. Quite simply, he’s going to shove in this league.

18) Rougned Odor, SS

Landers: Sure, Odor might be stretched a little as a Major League shortstop, but I have no problem kicking him over to the left side of the infield here -- he takes every swing like he’s in a weird version of “Speed” in which he’s the bus and “dropping under 50 mph” is “hitting the ball less than a bajillion feet.” Plus, every self-respecting slow-pitch squad needs at least one guy who’s going to take things a little too seriously.

19) Madison Bumgarner, P

Landers: See above. As Clair alluded to earlier, standing on a slow-pitch mound is truly not for the faint of heart -- but if there’s anybody who’s up for floating a ball towards an angry all-world slugger, it’s Madbum. Heck, the batter might wind up being scared of him. (Oh, and the fact that he can take Clayton Kershaw deep certainly doesn’t hurt.)

20) Yasiel Puig, OF

Clair: The Wild Horse. Every softball team has that one guy who tries way too hard, who runs out everything way too hard, who wants to fight the other team … and then, as soon as the game is over wants to get everyone together to get a drink at the bar down the street.

If that’s not Yasiel Puig, then I don’t know anything.

Notable players not selected: Christian Yelich, Ronald Acuña Jr., Bryce Harper, Juan Soto, Francisco Lindor, Javier Báez, Nolan Arenado, Alex Bregman, Nelson Cruz, George Springer, Josh Bell, Josh Donaldson, Freddie Freeman, Kris Bryant, Anthony Rizzo, Franmil Reyes, Matt Olson, J.D. Martinez

Mike's lineup:

CF Mike Trout

C Willians Astudillo

3B Joey Gallo

2B Max Muncy

RF Yasiel Puig

1B Daniel Vogelbach

P Michael Lorenzen

LF Chris Carter

SS Freddy Galvis

FLEX Derek Dietrich

Clair: Listen, Chris put together a fine lineup. A better one than I was anticipating, to be honest. His picks of Judge, Sanó and Ahmed, in particular, were inspired. But I still believe in my team’s increased flexibility at multiple positions -- something that’s necessary when playing a sport in which you can count on roughly 55 percent of your players to show up for games. (Also, these things are never going a full seven innings. There are going to be enough home runs that at some point, the whole thing is just going to get called off.)

Although we’re both losing to Michael Bolton’s team of superstars. That’s just a fact.

Chris' lineup:

CF Cody Bellinger

RF Aaron Judge

1B Pete Alonso

LF Kyle Schwarber

3B Miguel Sanó

2B Mike Moustakas

C Gary Sánchez

SS Rougned Odor

FLEX Nick Ahmed

P Madison Bumgarner

Landers: I will say, I am a little more nervous now than I was at the start. Clair’s squad is fast, athletic and dangerous, full of guys who can wreak havoc all over the field in all sorts of ways. But I came in with a plan, and for the most part -- cowardly poaching of Willians Astudillo aside -- I executed that plan. To wit: My lineup is stacked, one through nine (or one through ten, depending on your feelings about Bumgarner), and I’m going to be scoring a whole lot of runs and hitting a whole lot of homers.

Did I perhaps go a little overboard? Am I going to wish I had one more Swiss army knife and one less lumbering slugger?

Nah.

Petriello's take: As a 12-year veteran of various New York City softball leagues, I’ve learned two things about winning. The first is: Make sure your pitcher can throw strikes. The second is: Never throw the ball. Throwing leads to errors. Whichever team makes the fewest mistakes is generally going to win. I say that because the offenses here are generally indistinguishable – yes, Trout/Gallo/Muncy is a hilarious middle of the order, Michael, but so is Chris’s Alonso/Bellinger/Judge, and Chris’s lineup is deeper anyway. But I’ve seen more games than I can count get lost on balls hit to the one guy who simply couldn’t stop turning singles into home runs, and I’m sorry, Chris Carter, that’s you. Advantage: Landers.

That said, the odds of Madison Bumgarner getting ejected because the rent-an-ump working his fifth double-header of the day gives him a hard time for “not enough arc” are astronomical. Advantage: Clair. See how I managed to not actually make a decision? The mark of a true softball star.

The poll: The time has come. You've seen the lineups, you've heard the arguments and now, finally, it's time to cast your vote. Which roster are you taking?