Ben's Thoughts on Braden's Ink
When it comes to athletes and tattoos, it's difficult for me to give any bit of respect to the ones who are willing to get the same thing scarred into their body that players, rappers and the occasional convict has had etched before them. I suppose I’m being a bit too judgmental when I say that, but coming from a guy who has documented the team-by-team history of Major League Baseball on his body, I would say I have more than earned the right to criticize someone else’s ink. That said, every now and then someone passes me along a photo or a video of someone with a gnarly tattoo/tattoos to get my opinion. A few times I’m left with a puzzled look on my face, but most of the time I’m left speechless. Case in point: Oakland Athletics hurler and perfect game master Dallas Braden, who stars in one of the team's 2012 commercials.
If you haven’t seen the spot with him, Bob Melvin and Rollie Fingers, I would highly suggest you stop reading this now and hop to it. I can wait…
Oh! You’re back; good. I have to start by giving a frowny face to Braden for the tattoo of the handlebar stache on the inside of his right index finger. Yes, I realize it’s in honor of Fingers, but it has also become this century’s version of the lower back tattoo for “the woman who likes to be ironic.” And by ironic, I of course mean jealous. Sorry, Braden, I have to deduct a few originality and manliness points there, but you certainly make up for it with what you have inked betwixt your left shoulder and elbow.
The first time I ever heard The Beatles is one of those unforgettably amazing moments in my life that a lot of people can relate to. In the baseball and tattoo world, Rollie Fingers riding a dolphin with a rainbow behind it, in my opinion, would be the physical rendition of “Magical Mystery Tour.” I laughed, I cried and even became a little jealous when I first saw that bit of awesomeness, but overall, I totally respect and admire the creativity. Much in the same way I created my tribute to Major League Baseball, if you’re going to do something right about something you love, you have to go all out and leave the viewer with something that they will never forget. Braden’s Rollie/dolphin/rainbow tattoo, even if only temporary for the spot, is something that could become a fixture of sports related pop culture, much in the same way I have become (Thank you, Bleacher Report!) Baseball's Number 2 Craziest Baseball Fan. But unlike Braden, I can’t whip a baseball over 90 miles per hour.
To be honest, this whole thing has inspired me to come up with another spectacular A’s tattoo. There are so many moments and players to choose from: Reggie Jackson, Rickey being Rickey, Scott Hatteberg clinching win #20, or how about Dallas Braden dressed as former WWE wrestler Curt Hennig (Mr. Perfect) doing the “Perfect Plex" on Roy Halladay for stealing his thunder in 2010. Yeah, that one sounds… well, perfect.