Cheers to Baseball - Featuring Sam Malone from Cheers

Sam Malone is the owner and bartender at ‘Cheers,’ a popular bar in Boston. He is also a former relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and is here to answer questions and offer insight about baseball and life at his bar. You can follow him on Twitter at: @_BartenderSam

Dear Sam,

I’m a rookie for the Boston Red Sox. I’m excited and nervous to see what playing in the big leagues is like. Do you have any advice for me?

Sincerely,

James Bradley Jr.
Boston Red Sox

Hey there, James.

I loved my time as a relief pitcher for the Red Sox. Man, buddy, I had some wild times when I was a ballplayer, partying and hounddoggin’ my way through the best parties that each city in baseball had to offer. I even keep a “little black book” behind the bar at Cheers that Norm and Cliff always try to get a look at. Of course, Diane doesn’t like that book, but, hey, you can’t change a tiger’s stripes (or a hounddog’s howl, right? Hehe). I find it’s best to just never refer to it, so that’s my advice: Don’t mention or brag about your little black book around Diane and you’ll be just fine. Good luck, JBJ!

Hi Sam,

I’ve hit a lot of home runs already this season. But home runs are hard to hit, and I’m afraid fans will have too high expectations of me. Should I try to hit more home runs or just give up?

Yours Truly,

Chris Davis
Baltimore Orioles

Hiya, Chris.

Let me tell you a little story about my buddy, and ‘Cheers’ regular, Norm. He chose to give up on having a successful, fulfilling life a long time ago and would much rather sit at the bar and hear stories about my experiences in baseball. Also, his best friend Cliff gets annoying sometimes with all his trivia “facts,” and Norm just has to sit there because he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. So, what I’m saying is, don’t give up or else you’ll end up like Norm.

Dear Sammy,

My manager made me a closer this year instead of starting. I personally would rather be a closer, but the majority of my team’s fans want me to be a starter. Should I try to change for them?

With warmest regards,

Aroldis Chapman
Cincinnati, OH

Hey there, Aroldis.

Your situation reminds me a lot of my relationship with Diane, a blonde woman I hired to waitress at my bar in the first episode and eventually came to like romantically through the course of 11 incredible seasons of television. Diane and I have fallen in and out of love what seems like a million times. I’d say a lot of our relationship problems arise out of her wanting to change me from a simple-minded ex-jock playboy into a literate, responsible, cosmopolitan man, and me resisting by being true to myself. While it creates a lot of problems, playing the role I feel most confident in has made for a more exciting and fulfilling relationship for both of us. And it doesn’t hurt that I have fantastic hair :) Keep throwing heat, Aroldis!

This is the first in Ben Wietmarschen's fictional series Cheers to Baseball featuring Sam Malone from Cheers.